YOU mean so much to me. Who are you again? I forgot. Oh yeah, you are the person I begged to read this.  Just know this: I love you. I do. You had me at “I’m getting a restraining order.” Who cares though? That’s just paperwork, we’ll get around it. I’m gorgeous.

Listen, well don’t listen ’cause I’m typing this and not saying it (unless someone is reading this and then you would be listening, that would be rad). My point is let’s be Care Bears, me and you. I call Tenderheart though, I got dibs on that, back off. You can be Wish Bear if you want, but if you are something lame like Funshine Bear then I’ll push you off a cloud…seriously, and we aren’t going tandem.  You should have picked a better Care Bear, not my fault, but thats probably why YOU don’t have many friends in life – you make bad decisions. Go read a Joel Olsteen book and write a 3 page paper on how it’s changed your life. Until then we can’t be close.

We did have a moment though, me and you. I can’t remember what it was about, but it was sweet…not the moment, the candy we stole from that kid at the bus stop. That was some sweet candy wasn’t it. I couldn’t believe it, probably 54 grams of sugar.
Listen future convict, this is my bio, let’s take it seriously…there is a point: use good moisturizer. Seriously, take care of your face. Small circles too, let the product work, don’t rush to the eye cream….let it work baby. I love you. You love me, we both love me, that’s the point of all this…it has to come back to me somehow.
I will never forget you. Can I borrow some money? XYZ…your fly is open.