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Daily Jokes 7/11/11
Everyday I post monologue jokes from relevant daily news articles. Here are the jokes for today (always appreciate your feedback):
New Mexico braces for weeks of flash floods
If the still raging fires didn’t destroy their homes, now residents have to face flash floods this monsoon season. How can things get worse for New Mexico…Charlie Sheen coming to town?
LinkedIn passes MySpace as no. 2 social network.
3rd place is Friendster, and 4th place goes to those 2 old men you saw talking by the bus stop earlier today.
Traveler flies high with 10 million miles
Over the weekend, Tom Stuker became the first to reach the 10 million mile mark in United’s Mileage Plus program. To achieve the record he bypassed a falcon who had 980,000 miles and a hawk who’s netted 790,000 miles.
Space junk may threaten shuttle, station.
NASA is tracking a piece of space debris that could come close to the space shuttle Atlantis. Crap in space?…so thats where my Soloflex went. I knew it was floating around somewhere.
‘Pawn Stars’s’ Corey Harrison lost 115 lbs
Due to the Lap-Band, coupled with a protein-heavy diet and strenuous workouts with a trainer, Harrison lost 115 lbs. Coming up on a future episode of ‘Pawn Stars’: Corey Harrison pawns his old fat clothes, uses money to buy skinny jeans Urban Outfitter tee-shirts.
Lawyer: Murdoch hasn’t apologized
Media baron Rupert Murdoch has not apologized to the family of a murdered British teenage girl whose phone messages were illegally intercepted by people working for his News of the World newspaper. He hasn’t apologized cause he’s hoping someone might hack into his twitter account and apologize for him.
Fukushima nuclear plant still struggling
Four months after Japan’s devastating earthquake and tsunami, operators at the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant are still grappling with the crisis the disaster unleashed but say they are making slow progress. Although progress is slow, help is on the way, Homer Simpson says he’s available.
